Today's LOL item stems from the continuing tale on the danger of China's military build-up. It's now so tiresome we're going to take this space to imagine what a war with China would entail for both countries. You'll won't see it anywhere else and I personally guarantee you'll be rolling on the floor with gaiety from it. But first, the set up ...
First, it's necessary to name-check an unintentioanlly humorous piece by Bill Gertz in today's Washington Times. It's here.
It's another in the popular stodge of Chinese military menace, listing its allegedly puissant cruise missiles, its patrolling of nearby seas, and one decrepit half-finished aircraft carrier, the Varyag, said to be almost ready to go, bought from the ex-Commies years ago,
Here's a breakout graph with a quote from the admiral of the Pacific theatre, appearing before Congress, describing the nature of the threat:
"If I were asked what biggest challenge I face as the Pacific Command commander, I would tell you it's the relationship between the United States and China, in order to advance that relationship to ultimately become a constructive partnership, if that's possible," he said.
The admiral obviously doesn't get out much, perhaps having only servants doing the shopping.
When all the goods in American stores are from China "constructive partnership" doesn't really describe any present or potentially future relationship.
Here's how it is -- "Joined at the hip like Siamese twins."
So let's have a brief thought exercise, imagining the implausible, a shooting war breaking out between the US and China.
What happens, other than the military actions?
All goods from China cease.
The middle class sees all US stores run out of stock of sundries. Wal-Mart, Target (and every giant box store like them), BestBiuy, all hardware stores, all consumer electronic stores, Bed/Bath & Beyond, sporting goods shops -- all crash and go bankrupt. Salvation Army outlets become the sole garment distribution centers for the entire country.
Unemployment becomes massive and all-encompassing; a new recession to make the Great Recession look small ensues. People watch video of our bombers methodically destroying China's military for a month. In fact, the military is the only place where employment is stable. After two months, television watching stops too as cable is disconnected for non-payment.
Fender Musical Instruments and Gibson guitars are put out of business when all their factories in China are cut off. The value of old, even mostly crap, instruments skyrockets. Old classic rockers enjoy revival as they are one of the only groups of musicians who can still go out and entertain locally.
In the next election, every incumbent -- from top to bottom -- is voted out of office.
With the flow of exports to the US and everywhere else cut off, China is also engulfed in a tidal wave of unemployment. Caught between the US military and rioting in the streets, the Chinese government destabilizes. All its new and fine military hardware is destroyed in detail. This takes four to six weeks.
The war ends. The world is dragged into a great depression, having lost what's left of the buying power of the US and almost all its sundries and electronics manufacturing in the short term.
Happily, Apple goes out of business as manufacturing for all its iKit ceases and demand subsequently plummets for what's left because of indigence in the US working class.
Used vinyl becomes very valuable. Fights break out in pawn shops as people scramble for old semi-functional turntables. What stock is left goes for thousands of dollars per item. Garages are ransacked nationwide.
Good news, lads! Good news! If we go to war with China, there'll be no more of these for awhile.
This post was originally published at Dick Destiny blog.